Guest Blogger: Rae from BlushBlog

Hi All-
Here is a post I got from a fellow courteous dater...it's a good one.  This is from Rae!  Thanks Rae. 

What Would the Courteous Dater Do?


So I met a guy who I normally wouldn't have given my number to. And I don't know why. It's not like I have a million of them beating down my door. But, I take that back, I do know why. He's just not my norm. I normally like em tall, I love em broad, even though I tend to get em skinny. This guy was only a little taller than me. I mean, when I throw on the heels, I think that we'll be nose-to-nose. On the day that I met him, I had on flat sandals so I let it ride.



When I met him, I noticed that he was flirting, but I wasn't sure if I was going to reciprocate. But then I thought, "WWTCDD (What Would The Courteous Dater Do)." You've gotta admit, the girl has a point. Saying yes to all of the guys that you'd normally say no to. You never know what might happen. I mean this guy was nice, he wasn't bad looking. So hey, I thought, let's see what'll happen. My only issue with him was height. So I passed on my number, and as usual, we spoke everyday for a couple of weeks. Always a good morning text message, I’ve been thinking about you…blah, blah, blah. I had to give the boy props, everyday, he contacted me first. I liked his initiative.



I feel like most guys today don't make much of an effort because they're so used to females coming after them.



So we finally go out and to sum it all up. He needs a first date "do over." Here's how it went down.



He called me at about 8pm to see if I wanted dinner and a movie. But I'd just come from dinner. I offered to eat dessert while he ate and we could go to a movie. With all he had to do, we couldn't hook up until about 10pm. Ok. Cool. Out of the blue I get a text that says "leave now." I'm like dang. I don't get a "hey put your shoes on, I'll be ready in a few minutes." Nothing. But whatever. I text back and ask what time the movies starts. His message back says, "If you leave now, we should be able to make it."



Ok. let's pause. I told him that I wasn't at home. I'd be waiting for him at a friends house in another area. He didn't know exactly where I was. And I realized that he didn't answer my question. I'm smart enough to know that him not answering my question probably meant that something was up.



So I call him. I ask him again. What time does the movie start? His answer, 10:00pm. I say, what time is it now? He says 10:13. Ummm we are both still in the house. Is he serious? So we decide to go to the next movie.



He was still a little late. No big deal. We made the beginning. He goes to get popcorn. We went to see Inception. If you haven't seen it yet, I'll tell you this. You have to pay attention to keep up with the movie. But since he missed the beginning, he asked a few questions. Then he looks at me and says. "You look tired." I told him that I wasn't. He said it 2 more times. After the third time, I said, “Please stop saying that. I'm good.” They mention an architect in the movie. He tells me that he knows someone who studied architecture. Did I mention that there was a movie going on!!!! I asked him if we could discuss it after the movie. I think that he got the picture. So what's left to do? He goes to sleep! Yep. Pretty much half the movie.



Now this is why I was pissed. If he was gonna sleep. I could've stayed home and slept and we could've picked this up another day. Are you serious? When the movie was over. I made a comment about him sleeping we joked about it. Underneath I was a little irritated because I had to get up early the next morning and I was probably jealous because I could've been home sleeping and I didn't get in until 1am. So as a result, he got no kiss. Just a hug goodbye. In his text goodnight, he said that the hug could've been longer. Did you just go to sleep on me and make demands on my goodbye? No.

So it’s now about 3 weeks later. I get a text from him every other day saying, “I really want to be with you. I want to see you. I want to spend more time with you. How can we change your last name to my last name, etc.” But I haven't actually spoken to him since our last date. Everything has been communicated via text. I told him that wasn't gonna cut it. We couldn't move forward if we don't hang out and never talk on the phone. He said that my reply was brutal. Really? Whatever. I think that there's something really insincere and shady about a person who only communications via text.



He asked me out on Friday. He wanted to go to the movies. I don’t know that he’s ready for that this late. I suggested dinner. He said that he preferred the movie as opposed to dinner "so he could hug me thru its entirety." *insert side eye here* I'd just gotten home from being out of town. I was tired, but willing to go out. I knew that I couldn't concentrate on a movie. So I say, how about drinks instead? Um, I still haven't heard from him. He sucks. On to the next one….

So while the Courteous Dater has changed my attitude. This one didn’t cut it. But there was one who did. I’ll have to tell yall about him later. This post is long enough and I’m disgusted just thinking about this dude.

Have any of you practiced the Courteous Daters methods?

Returns continued...status check

So return of the mack #1 and I have continued chit chatting and last week i was near his apartment so I let him know I was in the vicinity so he said to stop by.  I toyed with whether I should go or not but I decided, I'm going...I have a blog to write and it has been boring.  LOL.  So I went by, even though I knew I had a visitor in town that would deter any business going down in the bedroom.  In my mind that was perfect so we didn't end up back where we have been before.  So I knock on his door...he takes forever.  I knock again no answer.  So I call him he says I'm coming.  OK well I have to pee hurry up please.  Still another minute passes and I am doing the dance that 4 year olds do when it's "potty time".  Finally I hear him unlock the door, I begin to push through and same something smart...like about time.  He closes the door in my face, "you have an attitude?", he says through the door.  Um no I just have to pee."  What do you want from me he asks...umm a toilet and toilet paper please.  He says..."not the right answer".  So we spend another minute doing this and then finally he answers the door.  I run in put my purse down, and he says behind me "Don't say I don't ever show you love".  So I turn around to curse him out and I see he's BUCKET NAKED.  WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????  I was oblivious, I had no idea.  What do I do next?  I bust out laughing.  It might be the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.  I was dying, which was probably the wrong reaction.  So what?  i was delirious and bleeding to death and I had to pee.  Nothing happened and I am sure he won't ever do that again with me but who cares I have this memory to last me a lifetime.  :) 

The other return of the mack #2 wants to plan a date.  So we decide to meet on Saturday for lunch.  We chat a few times about timing and location.  It's decided he will come pick me up.....uh...I'm still waiting for him, it's Tuesday.  Needless to say there will be no more comeback for him but alas I ask why do that?  Why plan a date to be a no show for it?  It was all your idea.  UGH he sucks.  Oh well I went shopping instead.  LOL. 

Finally-My blog has brought friends out of the wood works that have had some good dating stories and theories so I think I am going to start allowing guest blogger to come into the fold.  If anyone is interested in writing about a date or anything that my blog has made you do please feel free to reach out to me and let me know. 

Return expiration date?

You know the age old saying that applies to men and dating..."they always come back"?  Well it is so very true.  I have 2 offenders who always make a come back after doing something stupid or dropping off the face of the earth to be the spies I have assumed they must be.  Why on earth do it guys?  Just say you aren't interested or stay out of our lives.  Why keep coming back???  So with my 2 recent come back on the scenes I have been a totally different person than the times before.  I'm setting standards.  Here's what I want, can you give that to me this time without running off to Russia for 6 months?  If you can't get to stepping and if you lie and say you can, know the repercussions are devastating for you. 

Return 1-  So haven't seen or spoken to him in 3 or so months other than his occasional texts to congratulate me on milestones in my life that he heard about through the grapevine.  I recently saw him somewhere and I was cordial, while he was acting as if nothing had changed.  Giving me full disclosure on his whereabouts and the such, just making it super obvious he thought everything was the same.  What???  So here it is, I said on this blog that if I got asked out I would go out with anyone.  So he asked me out and I went and had a great time.  It was a interesting date in the boonies, we went to a tai chi festival and then to a farmer's market and then to lunch.  It was one of our best dates ever.  Even with my wall up like dude I don't believe you. Fast forward a few days and we meet up for ice cream!!!  This dude is trying to wear me down with cuteness....I'm trying to keep an open mind but it is so hard because of our history. 

Return 2-  This fool has been on  assignment in jerkville since winter sometime.  And today he sent me a text.  One really outlining his whereabouts and apology.  It was this:  "Good Morning". 

Word?  Ugh!  Now he's texting he wants to have some sort of a relationship with me...I'm rolling my eyes as I type.  Where does this dude get off?  If there are any guys reading this please let me know your thoughts. 

the bold and the courteous...

So last week i got bold.  I started reaching out to a couple of dudes I always thought were cute and fun and pretty much demanded dates.  it was like having an outer body experience.  Me???  Reach out to someone and plan a date?  Not I said the blind guy.  But the power of having to blog about my dating has made me a little bolder.  Well mainly cause you need dates to blog about.  LOL.  So alas i reached out and started some communication with 2 guys I may be slightly interested in.  Ok let's face it, I'm in stalk with one of them.  SMH. 

But you all who are reading this (I'm not really sure anyone is reading this thing), should be very proud!  I reached out to both!  One date was planned and has happened.  It's funny he is the one I am not stalking.  Completely not my usual type but still I felt something about something.  Guess what?  He was another gentleman.  I mean he knocked it out of the box with the chivalry.  Walking on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street, wouldn't let me pay for anything.  And then walked me to the car and then walked around and opened MY door to get into my own car.  Really?  LOL.  I'm super lame but I was floored.  Dude is a character which makes us a good match...just one thing though...he's skinny.  I think I might break him.  :|

The stalkee and I have agreed to plan something but nothing is planned yet.  I wonder if it is because he has figured out I am stalking him???  LOL.

Discuss. 

F*CK IT!

I just got a piece of sage advice from a male friend today.  He said "F*ck it".  As soon as he said it I thought to myself, that's exactly what I need to do, this dude is a genius.  In this weird quest or whatever you call it that I am blogging about I have discovered 2 things:

1. I get bored and tired of ridiculousness very quickly
2. I don't know how to take a loss

Let's discuss.  I've been dealing pretty regularly with hot chocolate guy.  We chat a bunch go on some outings here or there.  But here's my thing about him...I have to start every communication.  He never reaches out to me first.  So if I don't say anything he's gone for days.  On top of that this dude works maybe 22 hours a day.  Who does that?  I'm apparently needy (learned that just now) and I don't deal well with being bored.  Confirmation to point 1, if you are a habitual ridiculousness crosser then don't join online dating sites claiming to want to meet someone.  You aren't for real.  You are playing games hot chocolate.  Now I can say that just fine right now to you.  Come tomorrow I am going to be a little sad inside because I want to know what happened?  Where did I go awry?  Should I reach out to hot chocolate?  Maybe he's busy?  Which brings me to point number 2.  I need to take the "L" and move on.  In essence I need to say 'F*CK IT".  No need to dwell time to move on. 

Move on time:  I joined match.  What a different experience this has been from my past time on match.  This time around I seem to get more people reaching out to me which is great for my Kanye West size Ego.  Needless to say, I am having more fun on this site than I expected.  It's a lot of emailing and no real dates yet but sheesh i am really juggling these fools.  I am still a smidge picky and I deny folks I'm not even remotely interested in.  But I have been accepting to the idea of perhaps dating a person from another race.  We shall see what happens. But now I state that no matter what may or may not happen, I will have the presence of mind to say "F*CK IT!"

UPDATES

First and foremost, I am not really sure this blogging thing is for me...I mean everyday?  I am clearly not meeting that goal.  lol.  Anyhow here are the latest....I've been on a few dates with the same dude from POF.  He's decent.  When we met he was cuter than his picture which is a plus and he was more muscular too.  We met for drinks....well I did.  he had a hot chocolate.  I was like what straight man has a hot chocolate on a date?  Especially a big old swole up one?  But whatever.  So from jump I felt like a drunk....I'll have a Merlot please...and another.  So apparently I wasn't prepared to meet someone I didn't know and when I got there panic set in.  I didn't see him so then I didn't know what to do.  I was literally standing by the door like Ricky Bobby in Talledega nights "what do I do with my hands?"  LOL.  I saw someone on their phone and I instantly started to dig in my purse for my purse for my phone.  Whew!  Crisis adverted.  Anyhow we had a good convo, he was a nice dude and we got along great.  I damn near did him in the back of my car when he offered to walk me to my car.  I was like whoa!!!!!!!!!  I don't know the last time someone volunteered to be a gentleman.  Wowsers!  Am I alone or do any of you have the same issue?

In a few days...I will post about my match .com experience. 

where in the world is carmen san diego?

I love how everyone has been looking for me over the past few weeks or so, I appreciate the concern.  where have I been?  In love with the leprechaun?  Nope...he and I never went out...why cause this dude had more new phone numbers than Avon Barksdale on The Wire  (aka he was a drug dealer).  We could never plan something cause he would somehow always 'lose" his phone and therefore lose my number.  After 3 times I didn't even bother calling him again because I already knew the drill.  That leprechaun was not magically delicious. 

Other than that little mishap (emphasis on little) I can't say I have been doing much.  I've been working like Kunta Kinte and not having anytime to date.  I have been communicating with some fellas on plentyoffish.com.  It's been interesting, more because I am still instantly selective.  I can't bring myself to talk with someone who's post says "looking for woman to help with home".  Really?  Are you a caveman?  Do you have 14 children?  no thanks.  I did go back and forth with a nice gentleman, cute pic good job good convo.  We exchanged numbers.  So I called him...dude was right off the boat from Haiti...like for real I couldn't understand a word the dude was saying.  Never called him again.  Is it too much to ask for someone you can communicate with? 

Anyhow I have another one on plenty that is interesting.  He makes me laugh which is cool.  I made the decision to send him my cell phone number today.  I will keep you posted.  I mean it this time. 

next post will be about the guy I dated from plenty....get ready it's a good one.